It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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