Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
