He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
