How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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