so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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