There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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