remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
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I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
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I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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