bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
