You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
