im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Randomize
