How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
