Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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