Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize