Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
