Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
