sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
