wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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