I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
