You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
