John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
