Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
