he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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