Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
