You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
