I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
