We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
