I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
