We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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