Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
