i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
