You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
