and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
