everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
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I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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