I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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