The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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