How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
