im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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