we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
there is glitter all over my balls
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
