I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
