Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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