I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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