this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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