Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
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im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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