we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
