I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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