She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
