btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
