i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize