it was like his penis was on wheels.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
