Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
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I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
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Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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