So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
