Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
