so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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