i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
