haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
