I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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