mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
