he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
