my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
