How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
