how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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