I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
