you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
