dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
