Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
