fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
