Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am midnight drunk by noon
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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