I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
