Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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