need another drink. this is the easiest way
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Drunk is not a location!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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