It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
