He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
this boner is exhausting
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
