In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
