Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
