doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize