if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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