My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Houston, we have a blender
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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