My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
