Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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