I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
