My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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