sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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