man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
