1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
